Among my relatives, I was particularly close to my cousins on my mother’s side. My mother’s younger sister, Aunt Chona, whose real name was Taynabur Binte Pakir Mydin, had five children—Abu Bakar, Noraini, Zahara, Salim and Norita. Because we grew up together in my grandmother’s home, they were not merely cousins to me; they were very much part of my everyday childhood.
I was also close to the children of my other aunts and uncles. My uncle Abu’s children were Rahim, Mydin, Zubaidah, Malek and Saidah. There were also my other cousins from my mother’s side whom I met regularly during family gatherings. In those days, family gatherings were an important part of our lives, and they gave us many opportunities to see one another and maintain the closeness that existed among us.
Looking back, I realise that I had a particularly strong connection with my mother’s side of the family. We were a large extended family, but we were familiar with one another and grew up knowing our cousins well. The relationships were not maintained through special occasions alone; they developed naturally because we saw one another regularly and shared the same family environment.
There were rules in the household. We were expected to respect the adults, observe basic discipline and follow the house rules. Beyond that, however, there was very little guidance when it came to our education. During the school term, we were largely expected to attend school, do our homework and study on our own. There was little or no guidance from the adults at home. Occasionally, an adult might monitor our homework, but for the most part, we were left to manage our own studies.
The same applied during the school holidays and between semesters. There was no particular expectation that we should spend our free time studying or preparing for the next term. Once school was out, we were largely left to ourselves and naturally spent much of our time playing and enjoying each other’s company.
Our parents were certainly pleased and took pride when we did well in school. However, there was not much emphasis on academic achievement or on planning for higher education. Looking back as an adult, I feel this was probably common among my mother’s siblings and their families. None of us went on to tertiary education, and very few completed secondary school.
As children, however, we did not think deeply about any of this. We simply accepted life as it was. We went to school, did what was expected of us, and when we were free, we played together. In many ways, that freedom was part of what made our childhood enjoyable.
As I look back now, I realise that some of the most enduring memories of childhood are not necessarily dramatic events. Sometimes, they are simply the people who were there as we grew up. My cousins from my mother’s side were an important part of those years, and many of those relationships remained close even as we grew into adulthood.
Those childhood bonds gave me a strong sense of belonging within my mother’s side of the family. Life eventually took each of us in different directions, but the closeness we shared in those early years remained a part of our family story.
My relationship with my cousins on my father’s side was quite different. We only met occasionally, usually during Hari Raya when my father would take us to visit his siblings. These visits gave us opportunities to see our aunts, uncles and cousins, but they were relatively infrequent and usually centred around the festive occasion.
Because of this, there was much less opportunity for us to interact and develop the kind of closeness I had with my cousins on my mother’s side. My maternal cousins were part of my everyday childhood. We saw one another regularly, spent time together at my grandmother’s home and grew up sharing many ordinary childhood experiences. With my paternal cousins, our contact was more occasional, so naturally we did not develop the same level of closeness during those early years.
Nevertheless, we knew one another well enough as members of the same extended family. As we grew older, we had more opportunities to interact and our relationships gradually became closer. The bond may not have been formed during childhood in the same way as with my maternal cousins, but it continued to develop as we entered adulthood.
Looking back, I realise that closeness within a family is often shaped by simple circumstances—how often we meet, where we grow up and how much time we spend together. In my case, my maternal cousins were my childhood companions, while my paternal cousins became relationships that I came to appreciate more as we grew older.